this is for all the fellas out there!

i've found the greatest thing ever. i've found one man's secret recipe for the perfect woman. it speaks for itself...

I'm making a woman cake cause I'm hungry as hell. And the sweet
tooth I have only a woman can break the spell. Let me reach into my spice
rack to see what I can get. To make a mix that will stick to my stomach
you can bet.

2 cups of intelligence
1 cup of sugar
(cause she's got to be sweet, mental, deep and sound)
Cinnamon is always good to accent the taste
A few cups of culture, so she's down for her race
(You see I won't bite into anything that's not conscious of its own,
that's why I stick to women and leave the men alone)
I am adding butter cause she must be smooth
2 raisins for the dimples will also be cool (That me . . . c-:) )
I must add eggs so she can reproduce
(Can't leave her hanging, cause I like children too)
I think I"ll add a little Salt, to balance her out
And a dominant profile, to show she has some clout
For a responsible woman, I'll throw in some yeast
(So she'll swell with juices, when I'm ready to feast)
STRONG I'll add 7 cups of courage and into the oven to bake
Turn it up to 360 degrees, To balance her mental state.

Now that it's done Brothers, I won't share her wealth, but I'm sharing
with you the recipe, as I'm consuming this woman all by myself.
.................author, Me

only on match.com. but who knows, i may be the product of his ingredients...hold the yeast.

this guy's trying to beat me at my own game!?

my new game i've created on match.com is "the funny email game". it's somewhat self explanatory. i read mens profile's then find something that i find humorous within the content, then send a witty/quirky/hilarious/sarcastic message to match.com user. for example, i noticed this man posted that he would be off match.com in 5 days so i sent him an email that read:
so putting time restraints on how long people can contact you really works. i didn't even read your profile, i just read that there were only 5 days left and felt an urgency to send a message. i also buy things off of late night infomercials when they say the special price is only available for the next 2 minutes. i really don't have anything to say, but that's a pretty wicked pic of the stingray you have there sir. and the gorilla looks ferocious. i hope that you really experienced those things and didn't just get those pics off of the national geographic website. hope your last 5 days are super productive. love, rachael

i then wait to see if said user responds. in the end i'm always the winner because i get the last laugh. even if he never responds, i think it's funny and can chuckle about it to myself. that is, i thought i was always the winner until this little number popped up in my inbox:
Hi...
I like your shot of the grey-muzzled dog in the car. It reminds me of a dog-friend in North Carolina named Mike. Mikes a good dog. I feel sad though when he gets pushed around by the little jack russel. Mike's so old and stiff...I have fun pushing through the dog pile to get to pet him.

Brevity, I'll give it a rare try here. Have a great day. Smiles, Jim

what in the holy hell is this? is this chump bastard is trying to beat me at my own game?! i refuse to believe this is an honest attempt to connect with another human being. i mean really...dog-friend...i feel sad when he gets pushed around by the little jack russel...the whole damn thing! there is only one explanation. this is one of my victims, trying like hell to beat me at my own game! he might be the guy i sent the sarcastic message to about feeling most satisfied when i can have a smoke after winning a race or maybe the guy that i asked if he wanted to go out with my friend, or maybe the guy who had h-town in his screen names and i sent all the h-named towns in utah to him and told him to pick one(thank you jessica!)...all i know for sure is that it's someone who thinks he can outsmart me. well let me make this perfectly clear mister smartypants, you will never win. never. this is war!